I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
