I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
