So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Houston, we have a blender
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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