Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
