shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
