Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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