Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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