Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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