There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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