I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
