I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
