I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
