He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
