I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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