And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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