If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
