You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
