when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
