I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't deserve a penis
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
