So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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