she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
