I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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