the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
