And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
