It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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