tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
