Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
