I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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