If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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