Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
