Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
