The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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