...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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