god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
