Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
