Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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