I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's official drugs can't kill me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
