Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
