Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
