Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
