Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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