There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
nutella sex= disaster
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
