I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
