will power is for people who don't want to get laid
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
