Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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