My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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