when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
