Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
