the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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