Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
