This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
