So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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