Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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