Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is the high leading the old right now
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
dude. I can hear the air.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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