if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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